DMV
by Lagermorph
Summary: Tony/Ziva Now a Twoshot. Set early Season 3, before Under Covers. Slight Spoilers for Silver War.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Well, I do own my computer, and some clothes, and a really cool _Attack of the Killer Tomatoes _doll. As to anything NCIS related, nope, not mine.

Set post Silver War, slight spoilers, maybe.

**DMV**

Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo stood behind his partner, Ziva David, in a line of people; all of them waiting for 8 am, the time the doors to the District of Columbia DMV driver's examination center opened. _Everyone here in line for the DMV but me. Well, these people aren't really orderly enough to be considered a line. _He thought to himself. _They are more of a jumble. Can you call a group of people a jumble? I mean outside of a porno…_

Tony gave a muffled chuckle at his thoughts, causing his partner to elbow him in his stomach. "Behave, Tony," she said keeping her eyes front. "It is almost eight am, the doors will open shortly."

Tony gave a small sigh, as he remembered the short and utterly futile argument he had with Gibbs about having to accompany his partner here. Tony went into the argument knowing he was going to lose, he really didn't mind getting out of a morning of work; but one had to keep up appearances. _If I seem too eager to help her, Gibbs will suspect how much I want to break Rule 12 with her. Ooh, page 57... wait, pull back. _Tony pulled himself out of his daydream and ran his gaze over the jumble of people in front of him.

He looked around aimlessly, until he was drawn back to the woman in front of him. _At least there is something to look at, _he thought. His gaze dropped lower to pass over the back of Ziva's tight white top that ended just above the waist of her tan cargo pants. _How can she move naturally in something so tight is beyond me. _Tony began to slip into another daydream definitely not involving page 57. Pages 54 through 56 may have been mentioned, though.

His eyes snapped up to a more decent level as Ziva turned slightly to look over her shoulder at him. She took in his completely blank expression and gave a small smile.

"See something…interesting, yes." She asked him, her tone letting him know it was not really a question.

Tony flashed her a huge smile and leaned in so their noses were almost touching. "You know, you are right," he said. "The blonde about four people ahead of you has some fabulous…assets." His smile became a smirk as he nodded toward the girl in question.

Ziva gave a little frown and replied in mock confusion, "I noticed that earlier. I did not think he would be your type."

Tony's eyes widened slightly and he pulled back to recount the number of people in line. He saw that the girl was number six, number four was actually a blond man in his early twenties. "Dammed jumble," Tony muttered to himself in disgust.

He turned back to his partner and leaned back in. "Very funny, Zee-vah," he drew out the syllables in her name to show her that she had scored the point this time.

Ziva turned back to the front to hide her smile as they heard the click of the doors being unlocked. The line started to file in and Ziva's grin was wiped from her face as she saw the inside of a DMV for the first time. "What is this?" She turned back to Tony in shock, indicating the poles linked maze-like with ribbons of black nylon.

"This, Ziva, is a shining example of American bureaucracy," Tony paused to enjoy the growing horror on his partner's face. He weighed the enjoyment of watching her spend the next hour forced to wait in line versus the pain she would inflict when she found out she could have avoided the wait.

"Don't worry, ninja girl. You have an appointment at 8:05 for your driving test." He told her with a wide smile. "I set it up for you yesterday, when they told us you had to take the test."

Ziva visibly calmed down, "Oh, good then." She turned to her partner to restart the argument they had had for the entire trip over. "I have an international driver's license as well as a valid Israeli one. I do not see why I need one from the United States."

"We've been over this, Gibbs said you need to do this, you need to do this. It's not our fault some bean counter says you need it to be covered by the NCIS insurance rider," Tony explained tiredly. "Trust me, you are going to need that coverage sooner, rather than later." He gave her another smirk.

Ziva gave Tony a punch on the arm as way of reply, then her face lit up as an idea occurred to her. "Oh, I know, Abby can just make me a license," she said triumphantly.

"No, no," Tony shook his head, and replied while smiling. "That wouldn't be kosher."

"But it would be a valid license."

"Valid, yes. Genuine, no." Tony replied. "As a Federal agency, NCIS expects its agents to actually be law abiding. Well... more or less." He looked across the room and saw the check in desk for the driving portion of the test.

"Just walk over there and check in, Ziva." Tony pointed to the appropriate desk. "I'm going to wait outside, by the test course."

Ziva turned toward the desk and paused, looking back at Tony, "You want to watch me take this test?"

"Of course… you are my partner." Tony puffed up with false concern. "I am here to provide moral support." He paused, looking her in the eyes, before he broke into a huge grin. "OK, I wouldn't have missed this for anything," he told her starting to laugh.

"You really are enjoying this too much, Tony," Ziva told him reproachfully.

"Oh, yes I am." Tony agreed still laughing. "I cannot wait, now go sign up. Hurry." The last was said with him flapping his hand like he was brushing her away.

Tony paused for a moment to appreciate Ziva walking away from him. _Page 57_. He shook himself a bit and then hurried out to the test course.

**One hour later**

Tony walked away from the test course, pausing at a trash can to disgustedly throw his bag of popcorn away. _I can't believe she actually knows how to drive, _he thought_. She aced that test and didn't even have to threaten or kill anyone._

He waited, wrapped in his own thoughts for a few minutes until Ziva came skipping out with her new license. "How come you don't drive like that normally? and before you ask, no. I am driving back," he finished firmly.

"It's just so boring to drive that way," Ziva replied with a laugh. "Also, I enjoy the look of terror you and McGee get when I drive."

"Well," Tony asked. "Let me see it."

Ziva flashed her new license at Tony. When she went to draw it back Tony snatched it out of her hand with an exclamation of surprise.

"Hey, this isn't your address." Tony looked from the license to Ziva and back again.

Ziva gave a small sigh, "Yes, Tony. I lied about my address. Why would I want to make it so easy for someone to find me by having where I live in a national database?"

"Why didn't you just use the Israeli Embassy?" Tony asked her with a small frown of confusion as they began to walk back to their Dodge Charger.

"Tony, an Embassy is sovereign territory. It is not, technically, a part of the United States." Ziva explained patiently, as she reached out for the license.

"Hey," Tony exclaimed, lifting the license out of Ziva's reach. "This is McGee's address. Why would you use probie's address."

"It is an address where I would still receive mail that has been sent there." Ziva was quickly becoming tired of her partner's questions.

"But, but, what about my address?" Tony asked, exasperated. "We are partners, why wouldn't you have asked me."

"Who says I asked McGee?"

"You know what I mean," Tony stopped as he sped up slightly to beat Ziva to the driver's side door. "I would have been happy to help." He gave her a hurt look.

"Tony, think," Ziva started. "Would you expect to ever find me at McGee's place?"

"Well no, but..." Tony began, opening the drivers side door. He paused briefly as he thought about what Ziva said. "Well, you've never been over at my place either."

Ziva walked up on him and leaned up to whisper in his ear, "Not yet." She grabbed the keys and her new license out of his now loose grip and slapped him gently on the cheek before slipping in behind the wheel and closing the driver's side door.

Tony shook off his shocked expression and replaced it with a huge grin as he made his way around the back of the car. The words, _Page 57,_ echoing in his head.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Well, I do own my computer, and some clothes, and a really cool _Attack of the Killer Tomatoes _doll. As to anything NCIS related, nope, not mine.

_**I originally had thought this would only be a oneshot, but a princess asked me to continue. Who am I to say no?**_

**DMV - Chapter 2 Traffic School**

McGee sat in the empty bullpen and checked the time again. It was almost 12 noon, and he hadn't seen or heard from Ziva or Tony yet today. Gibbs had just brushed off his questions about them back when he had realized they were late with, "They'll get here when they get here. You do some paperwork."

"But, my paperwork is done," He had protested. That was a mistake.

"Then help DiNozzo out, work on his." Gibbs' replied before disappearing up the steps and into MTAC.

_Great, just great, _McGee thought._ Tony doesn't bother to get out of bed today and I end up having to do his work._

The faint _ding_ of the elevator bell made him look up to check the time again. _11:58, when are they going to get here?_

As the doors opened, he heard Tony's laughter and saw him walk out of the elevator, followed by a less than amused Ziva. "Why are you blaming me," Tony asked, his voice still bubbling with laughter. "You are the one who insisted on driving."

Ziva just followed him with a glare, throwing her backpack behind her desk with entirely too much force before flopping down in her chair to glare at her partner. Tony put his gun in his top drawer and walked back over to her desk, staring back at her with a huge smile.

"Are you two all right?" McGee's question caused the partners to break eye contact to both stare at him. Tim took in Tony's amused look and Ziva's death glare and visibly swallowed before continuing. "Did you two get into an accident?"

"No, probie," Tony's laughter was barely contained. "We did not have an accident. Reckless driving, speeding, endangering the public welfare, that we had; but an accident, no."

Tony jerked to the side as the stapler Ziva threw at him glanced off his shoulder. "Hey, stop pelting me with office products." Tony took three long strides away from Ziva's desk rubbing his injured shoulder. He stopped in front of McGee's desk before turning back to Ziva with a muttered, "Crazy chick." He ducked as pink eraser whizzed by his head.

McGee looked from a furious Ziva to an amused Tony with confusion evident on his face, "What happened today, where were you two?"

Tony looked at Ziva and inclined his head as if to ask her, _Do you want to tell him, or should I_.

Ziva's only answer was to slam her hands down on her desk in frustration and look away, ignoring her teammates.

"Okay, then," Tony turned back to McGee. "You see probie, when a man and a woman love each other very much…hey." Tony broke off as another eraser bounced off the back of his head. "I just figured this would be a good time to cover the basics with little Timmy," he explained to Ziva.

Ziva got up from her desk an strode over to stand next to Tony in front of McGee's desk. "You see, McGee," she began. "It had been determined that I needed an American Drivers License, so this morning Tony and I want down so I could take my driver examination."

"And, judging by the two of you, it didn't go so well," McGee asked her.

"No, probie you should have seen her." Tony broke in. "She was like a nice little old lady, not one traffic rule broken…hey" Tony let out a protest as Ziva elbowed him in the side. "What was that for?"

"Old? Tony," Ziva asked in a low dangerous tone.

Tony's eyes widened slightly as he held both hands up, "Wait, wait, wait. It's an American saying. You know, an idiom, like what you get wrong constantly." He looked to McGee for confirmation.

Ziva looked also, "Is that true McGee?"

Tim took a moment to weigh the fun he would have watching Ziva beat Tony to a pulp now against the pain of the pranks Tony would play on him in retaliation, before he shook his head no, "I don't think I have ever heard that saying before, Ziva."

"Probie," Tony's protest was cut off short as Ziva punched him in the shoulder that was injured by the stapler she threw earlier. McGee took this in with a wide smile, he was expecting Tony would receive a sound thrashing and he had a front row seat.

Tim's enjoyment was cut off as Ziva leaned over and punched him in the arm also. "Hey, what was that for?" he asked rubbing his shoulder, his expression confused.

"That, McGee, is for lying to me." Ziva answered him.

"But, if you knew he was lying, why did you hit me?" Tony asked her with a hurt expression.

"I like hitting you , Tony." came Ziva's response with a level look.

"Yeah, well I am not a masochist, Ziva," Tony answered her. "You need to find some other punching bag."

Ziva leaned up to Tony and looked him steadily in the eyes, "That's just so…_disappointing_." The last word was said in a little girl voice.

"Uh, not to break up this nice Mistress-slave moment, but what went wrong. I mean you said Ziva passed her drivers test." McGee ignored the glare from Tony to focus on Ziva, hopefully to get an answer.

Ziva gave a small delighted smile at McGee's comment, he could almost see her committing _'Mistress-slave relationship' _to memory for future use against Tony.

Tony was the one who answered, he couldn't maintain his air of disapproval with his delight at the news. "The examination was perfect. Ziva's only mistake was driving home."

McGee thought he understood, "She got a ticket." He watched Ziva's face fall as Tony grinned and held up three fingers. "She got three tickets?"

"Yes she did," Tony was back to full on teasing mode. "You'd think the chances of enough police cars being in position to see all of those driving laws violated in the five miles between the DMV and the Navy Yard would be pretty slim. But, it was beautiful," he concluded with a laugh and a sidestep away from Ziva to avoid her elbow.

"What does that mean?" McGee asked.

"It means, that our little Mossad assassin has had her drivers license all of…" Tony checks his watch, "two hours and thirty-seven minutes and she already has to go to traffic school."

McGee started to laugh, but caught himself when he saw Ziva's hard expression. "Um, it's not really that bad, Ziva. All you have to do is take a few classes and a written test."

Ziva just shook her head and turned to walk back to her desk. Tony's attention was glued to her backside.

_That's a little more obvious than normal_, McGee thought before he spoke up, "Hey, I'm going to go pick up lunch. You guys want anything?"

Tony shook himself slightly and moved his attention upwards on Ziva as she reached her desk and turned back towards him. "Chinese?" he asked her, and at Ziva's answering nod he pulled his wallet out and handed McGee some bills. "Just get the usual, probie. I got it."

As McGee rode the elevator down to his car he reflected on Tony actually treating the team. _He must really be concerned about Ziva being upset with him. He never pays for lunch_

Back in the bullpen, Tony cautiously approaches Ziva's desk, she has her head turned away, refusing to meet his eyes. 'Ziva," he begins. "Look, don't worry about it. It's an easy test, just two weekends and you're done."

Ziva turns back to him and looks him in the eyes, her expression intense, "That is not what I am upset about, Tony. I let my delight at the horrified expressions you were making cloud my situational awareness. I should have seen the police cars in enough time to slow down so they had no reason to pull us over, or at the very least to evade them."

"Don't worry about it, ninja girl," Tony answered her with a grin. "You are still strong in the Force, just beware of the dark side." At Ziva's confused look he huffed his breath out, "Star Wars," he explained.

Ziva rolled her eyes, "Another of your American movies, yes."

Tony looked at her searchingly as she looked back with a bland expression. _How does she not know 'Star Wars.' Half the time I think she's playing dumb to bait me, but I can't be sure._

"You know, Ziva," Tony began. "I could help you with studying for your test." He watched her expression go from bland to amused before continuing, "I was a cop, you know. I do have a more than passing familiarity with the rules of the road."

"You are right, Tony." Ziva replied. "I would appreciate any help, no matter how small, you could give me."

Tony holds up a finger before going back to his desk and rooting around in the bottom drawer. _Now where is it, GSM, GSM, no Homeland Security manual, no…Ah-ha here it is._Tony pulled out a small photocopied book and held it up for Ziva to see. "Here we go Ziva," he told her. "Everything you need to know is in this book."

"It is the District of Columbia Drivers manual, yes?" she asked Tony.

"Not quite," Tony answered with a grin. "This is the District of Columbia Drivers manual _answer_ booklet. It has every question possible on the written test with the answers and explanations included."

Ziva gave a grin as she stood up and walked over to Tony's desk and snatched the book out of his hands. "Todah," she said over her shoulder as she walked back to her desk.

"Don't mention it," Tony replied, his eyes again leering at her backside. He followed her back to her desk as she sat down. "You know, now that we have your studying for your Traffic school exam taken care of, why don't you come over tonight so we can fix another glaring hole in your education."

Ziva paused from leafing through the booklet to look up at him in question. Tony leaned down close to her face and said, "You've never seen 'Star Wars,' how is that even possible? You come over, We'll grab a pizza and watch the movie. Then we can start out on page one and work our way up to page 57."

Ziva's confusion was evident as she asked him, "Tony, there are only forty pages to this book."

"Heh, so there are." Tony pulled back at the sound of the elevator _ding _to look at McGee coming in with their lunch. "About time, probie. I'm starving like Lee Marvin, here."

Tony grabbed his food and sat at his desk with a self satisfied smile on his face as Ziva stared at him. She knew he had just pulled one over on her, but she couldn't figure out what it was. _Oh, well_, she thought. _I will find out tonight…wait what was it about page 57?_ Ziva's expression hardened as she remembered their conversation when she first joined the team.

Tony lost his smirk and his lunch went flying as he ducked the three hole punch that came soaring at him from Ziva's desk. He looked up fearfully from behind his desk. "Was it something I said?"

**A/N: I hope you like it, it was the only way I could think to do it without straying into M rated territory**


End file.
